**I'm posting this now, but I think I wrote it some time after momma left me.
I'm pretty sure I go through this every year. Maybe even at the same time. I look at myself in the mirror, don't like what I see. Everyone is making resolutions so I teter back and forth deciding on what I want to do with me. It's the time of year where we eat too much, don't have any color on our skin, everything is drying out, some days are just dull because, hey, it's winter. In all my blogs, my intention is never to be negative, but I either start out in a funk, or end up in one. What gives? Maybe I need medication?
I have not gotten any sleep. I oversleep, but really I'm not getting the sleep I need so oversleeping doesn't really describe it. You have to actually GET sleep to OVERsleep, right? *sigh* Anyway, I have been a go go go gal since before Christmas. Well, since before that because I was juggling two households with taking care of my parents and my own life. I pretty much just took care of them and put my own life on hold. I remember Paula responding to me saying "I need to get some work done on my face now!." with "no, sister, you need to wait until all *this* is over. You are going to look horrible by the time *this* passes." She's right. I look absolutely horrible. So horrible, in fact, that I think I'll do a before and after photo because that's how bad I look. Don't patronize me and say "No, you look fine." I know what MY fine looks like and it looks nothing like this person I see in the mirror. I'm getting a roll around my midsection, I have puffy eyes all day long, my eye lids sag over my lashes, my skin his horrible and getting cysts again, when I stop jumping, parts of me still jump. It's horrendous. Absolutely pitiful. So on my drive into work, I think to myself, I'm going to get back on a soccer team. I don't care whose team I'm on, I need the exercise. I love soccer. Then......this morning at work, I get a text from Paula. She said the new season is starting on January 18, am I ready? Uhhh chills. Because I was just putting that out into the universe about two hours before. She must've reached up there and grabbed it. Thanks, universe. Yes, I'm ready. But I need more than soccer. Not that I can fit anything else in, but I'm going to try. I used to be busy every day of the week. Loved it, mostly. Now, my busy consists of showering dad, getting his groceries, cleaning his house and doing laundry. Granted he does have a caregiver that takes some of the load off. But I think she's getting bored over there. He really only needs help with meals, showers, sometimes getting dressed, and bed time. There is the pooping thing where you just can't schedule that so that is the main reason we have someone there during the day. I think he'd be ok every other day if everyone else in my family would stop by on a daily basis to check on him. I don't want to leave him alone without any contact whatsoever. Why did I get off on this subject? This is talked about in so many other posts, but now you see....it consumes my life, my thoughts, my worries, my stress. Ok, so the bags, sleeplessness, crankiness has determined its origination.
Back to me. I am an instant gratification person. Instant. Not tomorrow, that's too far away. I want what I want and I want it now. I don't need Chris Robbins to tell me how to get it. I know that you idiot. I don't need Steven Covey to tell me how to deal with all this. I know. The problem is me actually DOING it.
I'm going to make a list and bring it back here. A list of internal changes I want to make (don't worry, I would NEVER change who I am, because that's what people love about me.....right?). A list of external changes (boy this is going to be a huge post), and other musings. Get ready!
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